How to Kill Delia: A Step by Step Guide
by alanna cooper 'o pirates swoop
Summary: Cowriten by Lady Dove: Basically the title says it all! We're going to kill Delia over and over and over. Taking suggestions on methods. Rated for safety. Reposted do to techdifficulties. Please R&R. Have nothing else to write...


**How to Kill Delia: A Step by Step Guide**

**Lady Dove:** _Hello, I'm back again. I _do_ intend to update my other storys, but I noticed a serious lack of Delia bashing and decided to make a contribution. I and my co-writer Alanna Cooper O' Pirates Swoop, present our list of ways to kill Delia. There will also be series of cute little storys at the bottom of the main story The Cronicles of The Hat. If it's written in bold you have Ray (Alanna Cooper O' piratesSwoop) if it's in italics your talking to me (this refers to a/ns)_**And if they're in both it means we're talking at the same time (but only if the entire message is in both not just 1 or 2 words)** _Would you stop butting in on my comments R! People will think I don't know what I'm talking about._** And then they would be absolutely correct.**

_**Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize from another story we didn't write.** (If we manage to add in the dancing bears they were my idea.)_

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**Death by A Very Jealous Alanna  
(set two days after Alanna's 17th birthday, when she and Jon slept** _Lady Dove breaks into a violent_ _coughing __fit._** Alanna Cooper O'Pirates Swoop laughs at her,** _Poor me _**Alanna Cooper O'Pirates Swoop laughs again.)**

"My lady Delia, I _am_ busy tonight, but would love to walk you home another time."

"I will look foward to it my lord prince."

_Stupid green eyed vixen, trying to steal my man. I can't belive this, I just can't! Jon's MINE! Of course no one knows that... Who cares, she needs to stop throwing herself at my man!_

"What are you doing Alanna?"

"'Another time?'"

"My aren't we jealous?"

"NO!" He raised an eyebrow quisically. "Maybe a little."

Jon held the door to his room open as she steped in, then closed it behind them. "I did mean it when I said I was busy tonight."

"You sure you wouldn't rather be _busy _with Delia?"

He winced. "Yes, I belive I am."

"Su-u-ure."

"What? You don't believe me?" he asked all-too-innocently.

"What do you think?"

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_Sh-sh-she, she _kissed_ him. Ohh, she's no vixen, she's worse. I'll...Is he kissing her? He's kissing her! He's kissing her back! I can't b-e-l-i-v-e this! _Alanna rushed into the rose garden where Dalia and Jon were kissing. Lightning unsheathed. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GODDESS DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!" she roared.

"W-w-well...W-we... That i-i-s I..." Jon stuttered. While Delia...well...Delia just screamed. That is until Faithful scratched her up a bit. Then she attacked Faithful. Then Alanna attacked her. This is getting interesting...

"Touch my cat and _DIE!_" Alanna screamed. "Jonathan_ what_ were you thinking?"

Delia glared at her. "Well I thought that was pretty obvious. Why do _you _care anyways, you're just a boy."

"Um...Well...Actually she's not."

"JONATHAN!"

"What do you mean he's not a boy."

"She Delia, she is not a boy."

"Jonathan I ask you again: why were you kissing her?"

"Well if I hadn't, everyone would know something was wrong. Someone might uncover your secret."

Delia, who was absoultly furious, went over and kissed Jon. Alanna, who at this action became even more furious, stabed Delia with lightning. "Never liked her much anyway." She said and left for her rooms.

Jonathan cleaned up the Delia-remains before going to join her.

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**Before I-OW! My rib! Sorry, _we,_ go on to The Cronicles of The Hat, I-_OW!_ _WE_ just wanted to see how you liked the first chapter. By the by,**_ (Why do you keep saying that? By the by is my phrase)_**(That's the first time I've ever used it)****here are the steps to kill Delia:**

**1. Make her think you are someone who you aren't (so you don't get the blame)**

**2. Make her mad enough to do something stupid**

**3. Kill her, and use, 'because she did something stupid' as an escuse**

**4. Hide the evidense**

**The Cronicles of The Hat**

D walked into her room and found a large hat, that looked just like one of those The-Cat-in-the-Hat hats. "Wonder what this is doing in here?" She reached her hand into the hat.

"D, NO!" But R was already too late...


End file.
